Quick....change the channel!!

For reasons I cannot explain, the theme tune to the Channel 4 News at 7 o'clock strikes fear into my very core. It's irrational, not even likely to be associated with some deep-rooted fear of John Snow, but if that theme tune starts, for the love of Jaffa cakes change that channel. If you can't reach the remote, fear the batteries may have failed, or you aren't in your own home with sufficient demands to be made either a) clear an immediate path to the exit, or b) cover my ears, shout "bomb" and get down!

Magazine monopoly.

Don't read my magazines until I've finished reading them. Even if I've read the first few pages you cannot pick it up, flick through it or even glance at it unless I've announced, most likely in the style of a town-cryer, that I have finished with it.